With advance apology to our Hindu friends
You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.
This is a true essay written by a candidate at the recent Union Public Service Commission (UPSC), Indian Administrative Service (IAS) Examinations.
The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And
because he is female, he give milks, but will do so when he is got child.
He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got
four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body
can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached
to his basement. Horses don't have any such attachment what can it do?
Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.
Also he is useful to cobbler, watermen and mankind generally. His motion is
slow only because he is of lazy species. Also his other motion.. [gober] is
much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza],
in hand, and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his
feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chews with his teeth whom are
situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in
the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, especially
so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes
the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly
proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in
the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end
of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on
his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are
soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have
poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are
like his other relatives. This is the cow.......
We are informed that the candidate passed the exam. and is now an IAS, is
somewhere in Bihar.
